Communication is one of those things that has the most significant impact on our lives. And yet, human beings usually take communication for granted. Most people never analyze their communication abilities at all. As a result, they don't realize the power of good communication and how it can help them move mountains in their life.
The biggest communication problem we have today is that we are not honest with each other. Not only do we lie in our relationships, but also in our finances, in our spirituality, in our friendships, in the workplace, and so on. And to improve our life, it is essential to overcome this habit of constant lying.
Today, we will talk in detail about this problem. We will also discuss how these problems arise and how you can overcome them.
We Have Been Having Communication Problems For Thousands Of Years
Communication problems aren't something new to the human race. Such problems go back hundreds, or even thousands, of years. Human beings have been communicating with each other since the dawn of the human race.
So, how is it possible that we have this colossal communication problem that most of us aren't even aware of?
Well, the idea that we have a communication problem starts with us not understanding what communication is in the first place. In a fast-paced society like America that grew up with leaps and bounds in the past 200 years, people didn't have much time to examine the communication problem.
Have you ever thought about the things that we as a society skipped over to grow with such fast speed? Probably not! And that's how the communication problem went unnoticed for so long.
Looking at my personal experience, when I was five years old, my parents got divorced. I remember before their divorce, they used to fight constantly. As a young child, I used to feel terrified and paralyzed by their arguments and fights. However, as I became older, I realized two things were missing in my parent's relationship that eventually resulted in their divorce.
Number one, there was no communication present other than physical or verbal abuse. That was the entire length of the communication that my parents used to have with each other.
Number two, their power was missing from the equation. Both of them were not in their power. So when they were fighting, they didn't have any sense of what they were actually doing.
When we talk about communication, we can't help but talk about power dynamics. Effective and impactful communication cannot happen when there is a lack of power. And power comes from the dynamics of representation.
So, the two biggest communication problems are the lack of accurate representation and disempowerment. Both of these problems are interconnected too. A lack of representation leads to the feeling of powerlessness and vice versa.
Communication Problems Affect The Quality And Strength Of Your Relationships
When I first started dating, I didn't have a lot of confidence. I was a young teacher that grew up in an impoverished background. So, whenever I met a young lady, I would always communicate to hide my background.
I used to do that because I didn't want them to know where I was really coming from. I believed that my poor background was a strike against me.
So, I used to do everything possible to hide my background. And that was my first communication error: the misrepresentation of my background. This, in turn, would cause the second communication problem, which is disempowerment.
Real confidence and power come from telling the truth. It comes from you accurately representing who you are. This was the reason I lacked confidence during my initial dating days.
I am telling you about my personal experience because I want you to know that good communication is essential for a happy relationship. You need to represent your true reality to your partner, no matter how bad it is. By telling them the truth, you give them the opportunity to choose if they still want to be with you or not. Doing this will save you from a lot of unnecessary stress, trouble, and heartache later on.
Suppose you begin your relationship by misrepresenting yourself to your partner. Now, wouldn't that create a doubt in your mind that whether your partner would have chosen you if they knew the truth? Because right now, your partner likes an imposter. They like the person you are pretending to be by misrepresenting yourself. So is this the right way to get into a relationship?
When It Comes To Relationships And Dating, Most Of Us Knowingly Misrepresent Ourselves
If you observe modern-day dating closely, you will realize that almost everyone misrepresents themselves to some degree. Such is our society. It has made misrepresenting and hiding our reality totally normal. And that is very unfortunate!
Most people conceal their reality by saying things like, "we are trying to be on our best behavior for the first few months." But the question is, what will happen after those first few months get over? Wouldn't there be an ocean of issues in your relationship later?
This also leads us to another important question we have to ask ourselves: as a society, why do we have this pattern and tendency to misrepresent ourselves in the first place? This constant ongoing misrepresentation of who we are is the root cause of all the communication problems. So, why do we do it?
The biggest reason why we often tend to misrepresent ourselves is our ego. When we decide to hide our reality from someone, we are doing nothing but playing in the hands of our ego. Our ego makes us believe that representing our authentic selves will somehow make us look less of a person in front of others. This is not true in most cases, but we still fail to see the reality and thus, end up creating issues in our relationship.
Hiding Your Reality Takes A Lot More Energy Than Revealing Your Authentic Self
While hiding your reality might seem like an easy choice initially, it leads to a lot of trouble later on. Not only that, but it also takes a lot of energy to misrepresent yourself in front of your partner or friends. You will constantly have to worry about them finding out the truth about you. You will always have to live in fear of what would happen if your partner finds out the reality. This creates a stressful situation that could have been easily avoided.
On the other hand, you have nothing to worry about if you come clean at the beginning of every relationship and friendship. You get to start with a clean slate and without any baggage whatsoever. Moreover, telling the truth takes less energy than hiding it.
Representing your authentic self takes a lot of strength, especially if you don't have a rosy life picture to share. But once you come clean about your reality, it's done. You no longer have to worry about anything. You will be in immense relief.
Yes, it will be awkward and uncomfortable at first. It will be like you have been walking wrong your whole life, and now all of a sudden, you're going to start walking correctly. It will take some time to get used to, but it is worth it in the long run!
Misrepresentation Is A Habit
We get so comfortable hiding our authentic selves that it becomes a habit. But, unfortunately, once it becomes a habit, you don't even realize that you're misrepresenting yourself all the time, even when it is not needed at all.
Our ego gives us a lot of fodder to put up as excuses for why we don't want to come clean. If you think about it, you will often find yourself making excuses like, "I could get hurt if I come clean with the truth," or "they will hate me if they get to know about my reality," and so on. So, you think that you are ensuring your safety while concealing your reality. But what you are actually doing is prolonging things.
You keep on lying and withholding vital information from others. You start spending your life trying to keep it away from people hoping that nobody ever finds out the truth. And then, like every drama and soap opera you have on television, somebody would come and reveal the information you are trying to hide sooner or later. And boom! You have to deal with a bigger mess than before. To avoid all of this, it is essential to practice honesty.
Misrepresentation is not only limited to being the biggest communication problem; it goes above and beyond that. Misrepresentation makes you walk in a sense of powerlessness. This is because true power comes from our authentic selves. So every time you withhold your reality or hide your truth, you also end up hiding your power rather than bringing it into the light.
Now, breaking this habit of misrepresentation will take time. You will feel awkward at first because you are so used to having something to hide. But once you get over that awkwardness, things will get easier. You will finally start to live your life in the light.
As Human Beings, We Are Not Supposed To Be Living In Lies. Our Existence Should Be About Love.
Human beings are capable of unconditional love. However, when we choose to hide our reality from the most important people in our lives, we move away from love. We step into the web of lying and misrepresenting.
But that's not what we are supposed to do! We are supposed to be our authentic selves and love each other. Unfortunately, we are not doing what we are supposed to do. In reality, we are doubling down on divisions and hate.
Think about all those social justice movements like the anti-racism movement that couldn't make the kind of impact they should. What really killed all those movements was the internal stuff based upon the biggest communication problem.
And that is misrepresentation and being unable to identify those who are misrepresenting themselves. And thus, for the betterment of society as a whole, it is essential to break that vicious cycle of hiding, lying, and misrepresenting ourselves.
We know doing so is not easy. Our mind is programmed so that we misrepresent ourselves to feel natural and right. We have been conditioned to think that being open about ourselves and telling our reality without reservations is difficult. Throughout our lives and careers, we have had this perception that telling the truth can lead to poor consequences when in reality, the opposite is true!
Hiding The Truth Is A Not A Permanent Solution For Your Problems
From the moment we step out into this world, our mind is programmed to believe that telling a lie is easy. Our society tells us that it is hard to tell the truth. And so, whenever we are in a difficult situation, we take the easy way out and lie to avoid hardships.
However, while hiding the truth can help you escape a problem for a little while, it is not a permanent solution. The relief that you feel after lying is just an illusion. It is not real!
No matter what you believe, the universe doesn't support lying. This is the reason why a lie never solves any problems. People who misrepresent themselves are imposters, and an imposter can never actually solve a problem. They will only create more of them.
This is also the reason our society is drowning in problems. And instead of finding a solution to them, we keep on piling up our issues by not communicating correctly and being open about ourselves.
However, since your brain is programmed to believe that lying is an easy way to avoid problems for so long, it will take some effort to break that habit. You will have to constantly repeat to yourself that it is easy to tell the truth and difficult to tell a lie.
Understand that the thing that allows you to have the maximum power and freedom is being your authentic self. Because then you won't have anything to hide or be worried about.
When you practice being authentic on a regular basis, it becomes your pattern. It becomes your habit and your mind's tendency. You will slowly start improving every area of your life. You no longer have to perform in front of your partner or friends. You can truly be free and real.
Power Is All About True Representation Of Who Your Are
Communication and power are all about representation. Therefore, the more accurate your representation is, the more powerful you will feel!
As human beings, we are all unique. Yes, we have our problems and shortcomings, but we also have our powers and strengths. And power comes from an accurate representation of who you are. It comes from accepting yourself in all your imperfect glory.
So, how can you start practicing accurate representation and get over the biggest communication problem of your life?
Well, there are five key areas where you should start practicing accurate representation of yourself.
1. Accurately represent your feelings.
The whole communication problem starts when we try to hide our feelings about someone or something. Your feelings are the language of your soul- that is how our soul speaks to us. Unlike what most people believe, our feelings are not the same as our emotions. They are more than that.
Emotions are our reactions to things. That is why we call them "energy in motion." They give us some indicator of what direction we are going when we react to something. But our feelings are not just reactions. They come from a more profound reality within ourselves that we don't quite understand yet. But to improve our relationships and thrive in our lives, we need to express our feelings accurately whenever they come up.
2. Accurately represent your thoughts.
When you are in a relationship or getting to know someone, it is essential to let them know what you think about them and the relationship. Being honest about your thoughts with others is important. This will help the other person make their decision about the relationship too. After all, they deserve your unfiltered honesty, don't they?
Additionally, learning to represent your thoughts accurately is important because in that way, you will learn how to transform the way you think. By sharing your thoughts with people, you get a chance to receive feedback from them. And then, that feedback will allow you to adjust your thoughts and evolve.
3. Accurately represent what you want from others.
Being honest about your desires and expectations is an essential pillar of every relationship. If you are not honest about what you want from others, your communication will be off, and so will be your integrity.
Understand the fact that people are not mind-readers. Thus, if you want something from others, you need to tell them about it. When you lie about your true desires in a relationship, you pave the way to a lot of hurt and pain. Thus, you have to be honest about what you want because that is your responsibility.
4. Accurately represent what things mean to you.
Telling people what things mean to you is how you represent your values to them. People can say the same thing, yet their meaning can be entirely different. For example, you will often find that when a man says he loves a woman and a woman says she loves him back, they're not talking about the same thing. But we never really discuss what we are talking about or what it really means to them and us.
Telling others what things mean to you and finding out what the same things mean to them allows you to see whether or not your minds are moving in the same direction or if there's a conflict somewhere. This will also enable you to resolve any conflict before it can create a huge mess in your life.
5. Accurately represent your experiences.
If you look closely, your life is the sum of all the experiences you've had till this moment. Your experiences are what make you who you are. They shape your life and your thoughts.
Your experiences have a lot to do with your background, what you have gone through, what you have learned or haven't, and what you are still going through. But, unfortunately, some of us misrepresent our experiences because we think that they are not good enough to get us where we want to go.
So we run behind other people's experiences. We try to replicate them. But the reality is the only experience that can take you to where you really want to go is your own. Thus, be proud of them and be honest about them with others.
These are the five essential things you should always represent correctly to overcome the biggest communication problem.
You have the tools to create the life you always wanted to have. Make sure to use those tools wisely.
God (or the universe) has given you the tool to create the life you have always dreamed of in the form of your choices. Your choices have a huge impact on your life.
You are responsible for the choices you make in life. Being extraordinary is all about accepting responsibility for your own choices. In other words, it is your duty to work on changing the way you think and communicate with others because no one else can.
Your choices can make you feel powerful and vice versa. In a relationship, you can choose to represent your true self or hide it behind the mask of perfection. Every individual is God's beautiful and unique creation, so stop finding ways to put yourself down and embrace your authentic self passionately.
No matter how difficult a situation gets, you always have some choices, even if there are not many. Thus, make sure to choose truth and honesty, and you will be on the way to getting over the biggest communication problem and improving the quality of your life!