The subject matter that I'm going to talk about here is so essential. I'm about to burst out of my skin to be able to share this conversation. I feel so privileged to be at a point in my own life that I'm able to share with you the pathway on how to become powerful.
Before sitting down to answer this question, I sat with it for a minute. I wanted to feel the beauty of the question. And I wanted to be present to the fact that just to be able to ask the question means the possibility of being powerful not only exists, but that there are so many people pursuing it.
I'm humbled by this question, and even more humbled by the fact that I can answer it.
What does it mean to be disempowered?
In a previous blog post, we discussed what it means to be disempowered. And to be powerful, it's important to first understand what it means to feel powerless.
Earlier, when I said I feel humbled, I mean that I feel so thankful that I've reached a point to where I am being equal to my own potential. In my mind, being in harmony with my own potential humbles me.
If there's anything I bow to, it's my higher self. I bow to the idea that I've finally gotten in touch with my higher self and have surrendered to it. I submit to my higher self. Ragivah is here! In Ragivah being here, I can answer this question: how to be powerful.
If you're still in your ego, then the way you are hearing this is gonna be problematic, right? Because you're going to be comparing yourself to what I'm saying about myself.
But you shouldn't compare yourself to what I'm saying about myself. You should be looking at yourself and finding the higher expression in yourself so you can celebrate, and know what it feels like to be humbled by your higher self.
So much of what we do comes out of comparison, competing, trying to prove something to others, and all that bullshit that keeps us thinking that something on the outside of us can make us powerful. We say to ourselves: "Just one more thing, I just need one more thing. If I achieve that one more thing, then I'm going to be powerful", and it never happens.
Tony Robbins calls this the Emperor's New Clothes. It's not even real. It's all make believe. And listen to the terminology. It's make believe. We've made ourselves believe that we need something outside of ourselves to be happy.
And that's truly the meaning of how to be disempowered.
How To Be Powerful in 16 Steps
In these 16 steps I share a process to move out of disempowerment and into being your most powerful self.
- 1Find the happiness in yourself
- 2Stop making yourself a project
- 3Accept the power you already have
- 4Realize that power is not about control
- 5Align your mind with the greatness within yourself
- 6Realize that you are un-enhanceable
- 7Learn to use yourself correctly
- 8Give yourself permission to be powerful
- 9Don't allow your Ego to take advantage of you
- 10Make the decision, and give it everything you've got
- 11Realize where in your life you've chosen to settle
- 12Stop needing to be right
- 13Stop waiting for something to happen
- 14Recognize when your mind isn't working for you
- 15Take responsibility for your decisions
- 16Stop blaming someone else for your decisions
1) Find The Happiness In Yourself
The butterfly is a metaphorical expression of power. Imagine the monarch butterfly taking flight and soaring above all the problems the caterpillar was struggling with. The butterfly tells itself, "you know, man, you didn't have to go through this". Because the whole time the butterfly was inside, just waiting to be born, just waiting to come out of the closet, just waiting for an opportunity to show you just how big you really are.
But you were busy playing a game of make believe. Make believe that you need something outside yourself to be happy. Make believe that if you get married to the right person, if you got the right car, if you had children, if we had a whole bunch of friends, if we got popular, if we had this title, that title, if we got this job, that position, that we'd be happy.
And guess what we found out? It was all just temporary, right? It was temporary. And when that thing stops making you happy you have to go find something else outside yourself to make you happy.
How you become powerful is you find the happiness in yourself. And then you demonstrate the audacity to feel good.
"I don't need anything outside of me to complete me, I have discovered the truth about myself. And that is I am complete already"
Happiness is essentially feeling good right now. Right? Being powerful, is feeling good right now... without anything external having anything to do with it.
So when you reach the point where you're able to feel good right now, and don't need anything on the outside to bring you into that state, you have reached a point of being powerful.
You are saying to the world, "I don't need anything outside of me to complete me, I have discovered the truth about myself. And that is I am complete already".
So anything that I pursue is only for me to experience more of the completeness that I already am. It is not for me to become complete.
That's a different intention. That's a different state of mind.
2) Stop Making Yourself A Project
I can't tell you how many times I've been born again. I've been born again so many times. And every time it was symbolic of me outgrowing something.
After a while, you get to a point to where you've reached a stabilization in your growth. What that means is that you learn to habitually focus on what makes you feel good inside yourself.
In other words, you create a view of yourself. A view that gives you goosebumps inside of yourself. And that no matter what happens, you focus on it. It does not mean you live perfectly. What it means is you see yourself as perfect and you stop making yourself a project.
For years, I was a fucking project that I was constantly working on. What I didn't realize was that I was working on myself, because the world told me there was something wrong with me. And because the world said there was something wrong with me, I was trying to correct me. And the whole time I was correcting me, I was fucking me up!
The reality is, I made a mess of myself because I was trying to fix perfection.
Instead I should have been accepting myself as I was, and figuring out how I work, so I could enjoy the ride.
For 30 something years, I didn't enjoy the ride. Just like I know a lot of you reading right now aren't enjoying the ride. Because you're trying to fix yourself, you try to change yourself, you're trying to be something bigger, you try to be something better.
Give it all up. Just become the full you. Accept the fact that you are complete and whole already. There's nothing for you to go look for outside yourself. It is already you.
Your life purpose is not to become this or that. Your life purpose is to be all of you. The full expression of you is your purpose. When you get to that point to where what makes you feel great inside of you, is all you see about you, then guess what? life becomes a party.
3) Accept The Power You Already Have
We are constantly focused on what makes us feel bad about ourselves. Our focus is laser beamed on what we believe is not right about ourselves, what we believe is incomplete.
And get this, it's a belief...which means it's a condition. It's conditioning! It is not a reality. It's something that we have bought into, that we have been sold by the advertisers and the marketers of this world.
We have been sold, hook, line, and sinker that as human beings we are faulty. I hear people saying all the time, "you know, I got so many faults".
Stop saying that bullshit! What you're really looking at is the way you live and the way your life can be improved. We can always find, develop, and create new ways of living that are more and more in alignment with who we are.
But who you are is perfect because there is no other like you. You are the only begotten son or daughter. There's no one to compare you to, therefore you are perfect.
You need radical transformational acceptance of the fact that there's no work to do on who you are. The work must be done on what we are, and getting what we are to be in harmony with who we are, such that we feel powerful.
Until the acceptance happens, we'll keep treating ourselves like a car that needs to be repaired. We're going to spend most of our time in the repair shop, or borrowing somebody else's car, which is a metaphor for trying to live how somebody else thinks we should live.
We need some transformational acceptance.
4) Realize That Power Is Not About Control
People often confuse power with the idea of controlling someone else. That is not what power is. In fact, it’s the opposite of what power is. If you feel like you have to control somebody else, you are not powerful. You are forceful, but not powerful.
5) Align your mind with the greatness within yourself
For so many of us, the thoughts you think are not in harmony with seeing the beauty, the majesty, and the greatness within yourself. Your thoughts are at odds with the truth about yourself and so life is like a nightmare. Waking up, or becoming "woke", means that your mind is now up-to-speed and in tune with your greatness.
I like the way, Jim Collins put it in his book, "Good to Great". The opening line says that “good is the enemy of great”.
That resonated so much with me when I read because so many of us are aspiring to be "good". "Good", as it equates to trying to be something for someone else. And as long as you're being what people think you should be, they say you're good. As long as you follow the rules that they think you should follow, they say you're good.
But what Jim Collins was saying is that if that is your goal, if that's going to be your standard, you will never achieve greatness. Greatness is on the other side of people telling you who to be. Greatness is on the side, where you’re fully being who you already are.
That's not always something that people will cheer about. There are some people that's aren't gonna like you. There are some people that aren't gonna agree with you. There are some people that you are not designed to speak to.
That's okay! Stop trying to live your life like you're in a beauty pageant, like you're on stage, and you got on your bikini or are in a talent show. Stop trying to live your life like you're on stage!
Start living your life like you know you have something powerful to share and you've come here to share it.
6) Realize That You Are Un-Enhanceable
What you secretly believe about yourself is the root of all your problems. What we secretly believe about ourselves reveals the view that we're using to see ourselves from.
For years I saw myself from the view that I was a sinner. That no matter what I did I could not not be a sinner and that being a sinner equates to being unworthy or not good enough. It’s only by the grace, that I'm good enough. That is so much crap, it’s ridiculous.
That's just a view, but many of us have held that view as if it was all there is - not realizing it's a conditioning. It is something that we have caused our mind to think that does not serve the power within ourselves.
That view doesn't work for you so your mind doesn't work for you. For every view you hold, you create a mindset. Or a way of thinking - with narratives and stories that come along with that view.
To be renewed or transformed within your mind means you've gotten rid of that view, and you've adopted a new view. And with that new view comes new narratives, new stories, and new ways of talking about yourself.
Some of us will keep saying over and over that we've been born again and renewed. Yet, we keep using the same view of ourselves which is: We're not good enough. We need something on the outside to validate us. We have to achieve this, that, and the other in order to feel like we matter.
It's time for us to trade that view in.
We've held these views as unbreakable, as unmovable, as unchangeable, just the same way we hold oxygen. Yet, we have not realized that views are tools. Tools that we create in order to enhance the way we live, not who we are.
There is no view that you that we've developed designed to enhance who you are, because who you are is un-enhancible. You cannot enhance who you are. What you can enhance is what you are.
Create a way to harmonize so perfectly with who you are, that you are able to feel the magic of who you are.
7) Learn To Use Yourself Correctly
Create a view of yourself that is so in harmony with who you are, that it allows you to feel the magic of who you are. Not only feel the magic, but you live in the magic.
The view this world gave us does not do that. It was not designed for you to take advantage of you. The view that this world gave you - I don't care what it came from religion, family, whatever - was designed to allow the world to take advantage of you. And the world has been taking advantage of you.
You've been making yourself available to be used by everyone else BUT you. See, here's the thing: there's nothing wrong with being used, fundamentally. The question is, though, and the challenge is, who's going to use you the most? Will it be you? Or will it be other people? Will it be the world?
The point that we're at now is that we have been being used by the world, and we have not been using our selves correctly. In order to be powerful, it is not about us doing anything external, but it is about us using ourselves correctly.
It's about being in alignment.
8) Give Yourself Permission To Be Powerful
Don't undersell or underestimate the effectiveness of the programming we all receive. All these programs, these narratives, these stories, and these beliefs are downloaded into our subconscious paradigm.
They hide themselves in our subconscious minds. Most of those programs were intentionally designed to create thoughts in your mind that don't allow you to accept who you truly are.
The average human being in this world will struggle the majority of their lives with themselves because their thoughts are not in harmony with who they are. The thoughts they were given to think by this world were designed to give the world the opportunity to use you, and to take advantage of you, more than you take advantage of yourself.
Because of all that programming most of us don't believe that we have the ability or the right to give ourselves permission to be powerful. That's just something else, isn't it? How could we not have the right or the ability to do give ourselves permission to do anything?
Allow yourself to be the powerful person you already are. Align your thinking with who you are, rather than aligning who you are with your thinking. Get your thinking in alignment with who you are, not the other way around.
You do that by giving yourself permission to be powerful. You are powerful already. You just need your mind to be in alignment with your power. So that you can enjoy it. So that you can experience it. So that you can delight in it.
9) Don't Allow Your Ego To Take Advantage Of You
As Carl Jung said, “the world would will ask you who you are. And if you say to the world, I don't know then the world will tell you who you are. Who the world tells you that you are becomes your ego”.
Your ego becomes the point of focus that the world uses to take advantage of you. The world uses you in the way it sees fit.
Until you redefine who you are and you create your own ego. (This is an advanced class right here) Create your own ego, a new ego. An ego that looks just like who you are. Then Lord have mercy, you’re talking about some shit now!
When your ego looks just like who you are, in the image and likeness of who you are, the game is over. Some people might not get that. But it will hit you... When you create your own ego that's in the image and likeness of who you are, game over.
10) Make The Decision And Give It Everything You've Got
I want us to consider what it means to make a decision. When we really make a decision, everything changes. When we truly make a decision there is no turning back. That decision is a real serious thing.
Here at the Soul Focused Group we use a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly as a metaphor for moving from disempowerment to empowerment.
Yet, what I see time and time again are caterpillars constantly talking about how they're on the way to becoming butterflies, but never actually do. They haven't truly made the decision to become a butterfly.
So many people are stuck on being "on the way" to becoming a butterfly. And the reality is that they are bullshitting. When we make a decision to to do something, there is no "I'm on my way". It happens in the moment you make the decision.
So let me ask you this question: Where in your life are you not giving it everything you've got?
When you give your life everything you've got, nothing is the same. You can come out of any situation in life transformed into the butterfly you need to be. Living is about giving it all you've got.
Surviving is about not giving it all you've got, for whatever reasons you come up with. We could come up with a whole bunch of reasons why we can't do something. Something happened in our past. We weren't treated right. We were abused as a child. We were traumatized, etc, etc, etc.
Yet what remains true is the fact that we are totally responsible for our own growth. And we are never not responsible for our own growth. So we always have to give it all we've got.
When we find ourselves not giving it all we've got it's a problem, because life is for the living.
11) Realize Where In Your Life You've Chosen To Settle
Comparing the areas in life where you're giving it all you've to the areas where you're not is like night and day. It leaves an indelible mark on your soul that something is not quite right.
If you've experienced the fulfillment, and the joy, and the triumph, and the sense of accomplishment that comes with giving something everything you've got, then it's easy to recognize where you're not giving it all you've got, and you're settling.
When we settle, we settle for what I call "pathetic secondary benefits". Pathetic secondary benefits could be the excuses you make for yourself, getting people to feel sorry for you because your ego relishes it, playing the victim, and giving yourself low expectations of yourself.
If there's any area in life you're not giving it all you've got there must be some secondary benefits that keep you hanging around. What are some secondary benefits that you see in your life?
When we don't give live everything we've got and continue to settle and enjoy those secondary benefits it becomes a way of life.
Step 12: Stop Needing To Be Right
During a trip I made to St. Thomas this spiritual guru told us, "throughout the annals of history man has been willing to give up everything for one thing. Can you guess what that one thing is?"
Everybody started guessing as we were sitting around in a lotus position next to the pool in a meditative stance. People said power, money, love sex, etc, etc. And he kept saying no, no, no.
Finally, he says, "Would you like me to take you out of your misery?" And everybody said, "Yeah". He said, "throughout the annals of history, man has been willing to give up everything to be right".
And I said to myself, "wow, I came all the way to St. Thomas to hear that message". Because that was my life. My life was proving to people that I was right and they were wrong, at any cost. I was burning relationships up like paper.
That was a dramatic lesson for me to learn, and got my attention enough for me to focus on not needing to always be right.
This is a lesson most of us have to learn. We have to let go of wanting to be right all the time. Make the decision to let go of wanting to be right. Because it's bullshit. It gives us a secondary pathetic benefit because we walk away from conversations thinking we're right.
But we lose what we're really after.
13) Stop Waiting For Something To Happen
A lot of us are waiting for something.
There's a famous play called Waiting for Godot. The entire play is about two people that are waiting for Godot to arrive and transform their lives. After waiting and waiting for a long time they finally realize that Godot is not real. And what they're really waiting for is for themselves to make the decision to transform their own lives.
So many of us are waiting for that moment in our lives to happen. And we're waiting. And while we're waiting, we're not busy creating it ourselves.
It's not that the dramatic "moment" hasn't happened. But when it happens we're expecting something external to then make the decision for us. In reality, it's our own interpretation of that moment that leads us to making the decision.
The primary reason we pass these moments by is we don't realize the decision is ours to make. Most of us have been programmed to believe in a power outside of ourselves. So it's normal for us to wait for some outside force to give us a sign or confirmation that it's time. But what we're really saying is that we don't think it's our decision to make.
As long as we don't think the decision is ours to make, we won't make it. The moment you become aware that the decision is yours to make, then you know that you must.
14) Recognize When Your Mind Isn't Working For You
We are literally capable of observing ourselves rerunning the same sitcom in our head over and over again. I know you've experienced this: You see yourself saying something to yourself that you've said before. And then you say the same thing to yourself again, and again. And you ask yourself, "Why do I keep saying this to myself?"
All of these experiences that you rewind and replay in your mind are created by you for yourself, because there's something that you are trying to get yourself to see.
But before you can see it, you've got to admit to yourself that you're using the same language, telling the same stories, making the same excuses, and complaining about the same shit. You've got to admit it!
I used to complain about some of the same shit all the time. And the reason why it never changed, was because I really believed that it wasn't my decision to make. That it was somebody else's decision. And my life had really been put into somebody else's hands.
And when I realized that it was my life...! You mean to tell me is my life and I've been wasting time? You mean to tell me that whatever is going to be is going to be because I decided for it to be? I've been wasting time waiting on somebody else to come make a decision for me? What the fuck?
And I looked at the clock, and I was like, I ain't got much time left! As a matter of fact, I don't even know how much time I have from the get go! That's right. And it's something happens.
Everything starts with realizing it is your decision to make. Napoleon Hill and his mentor, Andrew Carnegie, say that the first step to creating riches and wealth is to take full possession of your mind.
What they're simply saying is that it's time for you to start making decisions. But you cannot, and will not, make decisions as long as you think they are not for you to make.
Everywhere in your life where you are not making decisions means that somebody else has possession of your mind and you haven't taken it back.
Your mind is working for somebody else.
15) Take Responsibility For Your Decisions
It's your decision to make. It is always your decision. Making the decision is like directing the steering wheel in the car. Not steering your car is just like not steering your own life.
If you wait for others to make decisions for you then they are carving out your life. And they don't even know that they're doing it! Because that's not their responsibility.
Even parents get exhausted making decisions for their children. And what parents do is train their kids to make decisions for themselves, and that the decision is theirs to make.
It is so important that parents teach that to their kids at a young age so that they will understand what it means to be an adult. Because many of us, like myself, are children for a very long time because we aren't making decisions.
For a long time, I was pretending to be an adult but I wasn't making decisions. And there's no way to actually feel what it's like to be in charge of your life without making decisions.
Sometimes the struggles we experience are us coming to grips with the fact that we are still a child. But we could become adults tomorrow by simply accepting responsibility for making the decisions.
16) Stop blaming somebody else for your decisions
And I want to make sure this is clear because there really is no in between. The only thing that's holding up the decision is you thinking it's somebody else's decision to make. Which means that you are bullshitting! Because you're blaming somebody else for your life.
Whether it be the world, whether it be racism, whether it be whatever, you're making something else responsible for the decision that you've got to make. We all have to make the decision for ourselves.
Yes, it could be true. There are systemic barriers blocking people, but you've still got your decisions to make.
We live in a patriarchal society that's male dominated and women have been oppressed for a long time. They still have their decisions to make.
We're a heterosexual society where LGBTQ people have been oppressed and are struggling to be accepted. They still have their decisions to make.
We are all responsible for growing ourselves. And the most efficient and effective tool we have in our arsenal is a decision. But if you don't make them, you won't grow.